The Organized Family: Responsibility Center

*This will be the start of a series, similar to my binder series-which will be updated and completed so stay tuned for that-, but focusing on what we do outside of aforementioned mentioned binders.*

Chores, according to Dictionary.com, are the everyday task around a home or farm.  These everyday, mundane, often mind numbing task are usually faced with dread.  I'll admit there are days when I glance at the fresh laundry that needs to be folded or the pile of dishes towering in the sink, and just think "Screw this, I'm going to color". I detest everything about chores, even the word chore, just sounds horrible. Say it one time nice and slow, ...it sounds like a chore just saying it doesn't it?

While I dislike chores, they are a huge part of my life.  A home doesn't run itself, laundry doesn't get done, meals don't get cooked, and children's lessons don't happen unless I do all the daily task needed. I've spent the last few months, OK more like the last year, trying to adjust the way I look at and approach the tasks in front of me.  Many of the homemaker blogs out in the blogsphere discuss this topic from a place of faith, they find joy in these things because of some being they believe in.  

Well, I'm still godless, so obviously that wasn't going to work for me and instead found me banging my exhausted little head off the desk many a night.  I figured there had to be other ways to alter one's thinking so you can find joy in these mundane tasks.  I refused to accept that the only way I could have joy in serving my family was through sweet baby Jesus, Allah, or the Big G. Then I thought about the way I view these tasks and the way the world around me views them. Everything from the way I spoke about them to the way they are depicted in the television, videos, and semi-well placed Facebook ads I’m exposed to carried a negative connotation. I can't even say the word chores without a shudder, eye-roll, and a long sigh.

I realized if I wanted to change the way I approached chores in our home, I would have to change my thinking, and ultimately my family's thinking as well.  So first I changed the word, instead of chores we have responsibilities. Everyone in our home has a set of responsibilities, from bed making-yes even I make my bed-, to school work, to keeping our bodies clean.  We all have responsibilities, we all contribute something to this family, our team, that allows for it to function at its best. That means we all have to do our daily tasks, parents included, because in doing them we are contributing to our family and working with the people we love to make the place we call home a healthy and enjoyable place to be. This in turn allows us to find joy in our work, because they aren't merely tasks, but an expression of how we feel about our home, family, and ourselves.

Does that mean we’re always joyful when we scrub toilets and that we don’t occasionally let the dishes “soak”?  No. Of course not. It’s still work and we don’t always want to do it.  The children don’t always want to do their part and us parents definitely don’t always want to do the work on our end, but we do them.  We do them, because they make our home function and teach us to be responsible in other areas of our lives.  So how do we keep our responsibilities organized and help our day function better?  We have a Responsibility Center.  Much like a Command Center, which we always have, this is an area in our home where we keep all our responsibility stuff organized and easily accessible

Our Responsibility Center is in our hallway so it's the first thing we all see when we leave our rooms in the morning.  It also allows me easy access to it in the evenings before bed when I update it. 

Our home is divided into zones.  Zone One is the upstairs and Zone Two is the downstairs.  Currently it has the daily cleaning responsibilities for that particular zone.  Eventually this will include monthly, seasonal, and annual home maintenance as well.

We also have a section for meals with breakfast, lunch, and dinner sections.  I scribble our tea time -snack- next to the lunch section since we don't always have our tea time due to schedule conflicts.

The section between the two cork boards holds the boys morning, afternoon, and evening responsibility lists.

Under all home maintenance responsibilities we have the boys' school responsibilities.  Next to the daily tasks we also have our schedule and our positive and negative consequences list.

In the top corner I have taped our family rules, but that is just temporary, until I can get something nicer either the rules in vinyl or framing them.  I also want to add a shelf to keep our binders so they are easily accessible.  Since they tie in more with our Responsibility Center than our Command Center.  

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Of the various methods we've used this has by far been the most productive and easily to remember for all of us to ensure everything gets done.  I'm very pleased with it, especially once I put the finishing touches on it.

What method do you use to keep your family organized and family responsibilities handled?

Copyright(c) 2014 Rayven Holmes   

Sexy?!...

I've seen the above meme before, but never figured I would actually have a moment where it just fit perfectly and then I went to run an errand today.  General Disarray (my oldest son for those that aren't familiar with the blog names) had a piano lesson makeup this lovely Saturday morning and while he was there I figured I would knock out an errand that was high on my to-do list. 

On my way into the Base Exchange I was stopped by the picture kiosk that pops up every few months to take what little money military families have.  We used them roughly five and a half years ago when Professor Chaos was about a month or so old, we found it to be a complete waste of money for us personally.  So we turn them down whenever we see them, I would love to walk around with a no soliciting sign, but a firm no thank you seems to, usually, do the trick.

Today I had an hour to get in, out, and back to my son’s piano class so stopping to be hustled into buying pictures was not on my to-do list.  Yet, it happened.  I told the lady that we were moving soon and I’ll pass, but she wouldn't let up and started in on how great it would be for Valentine’s Day for my husband.  I could bring some “sexy outfits” and they will have people onsite to do my hair and make-up and make me look “sexy” and my husband would just love the "sexy" photos of me for Valentine’s Day.  I said “I’ll think about it”, grabbed Professor Chaos from the item he was attempting to destroy and headed off to complete the list of tasks I had before me, hell bent on not letting her insistence on doing something "sexy" for my husband cross my mind anymore. 

I did end up thinking about it though… a lot…just not in the way the lady hustling the photos probably had in mind.  Her emphasis on sexy made me think, who has time for that? More importantly though is who gets to dictate this thing known as sexy?  When did make-up, revealing outfits, and posing in a makeshift black tent built in the middle of a shopping area become sexy?  Is this what Justin Timberlake had in mind when he claimed to be “bringing sexy back” in 2006?  Furthermore, why is it that I have to be sexy for my husband, but no emphasis is put on him to be sexy for me?  She went on and on about how they would make me sexy and then almost as an afterthought, maybe due to the expression on my face, commented on how my husband could come along and bring a nice outfit for himself.  Not a sexy outfit, of course, just a plain ol’ nice respectable outfit.  I must be sexy and sizzle, he can just be comfortable (how convenient for him!). 

Annoyed by the nagging voice ringing in my ears I Googled sexy this evening and what did I see?  Plenty of pictures of women with large, perky, gravity defying breast, toned flawless midsections, “perfect” hair and make-up, and some high quality photoshopping; basically a manufactured image of what we are supposed to believe a “sexy” woman looks like.  To be honest, by those standards I’m not sexy (not even close) and I don’t personally want to sit and have someone spend the amount of time needed to get me close to what they consider sexy (I ani't got time for that...and won't make time for it either).  I’m OK with that, nearly 27 years in this skin and I'm happy with it just as it is. I have large saggy breast, stretchmarks, a large collection of 80's hair accessories, and I loathe make-up. That's who I am. I love who I am. No woman is just like me and we shouldn't try to be like each other, we should just be ourselves. I tried boudoir photos once (I bought an expensive bra to add lift, I hired someone who knows their way around photoshop, and had my face and hair all done up) and I found that I’m completely uncomfortable with them, and even more shocking my husband didn't care for them either.  They weren't “me” according to him and I have to agree.  Sure by society’s standards I guess you could say they were “sexy”, I was wearing very little, had on plenty of the "right kind" of make-up, and my hair was all fancy, but I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  

Does sexy mean we have to forego our own personal comfort in order to please someone else? I don't think that's what it should mean. Nor do I want my boys growing up to believe that only certain things are allowed to be "sexy" or attractive. Nor do I want them to think that just because they are male they have some ultimate say over what is and isn't attractive in the land of women, or that a woman's goal in life is to please them. 

Which gets to the point I’m trying to make, do we really want the next generation growing up believing that someone is only appealing if they are fitting into society’s current description of “sexy”, or that a female's worth is dictated by the men in her life?  I would hope the answer would be no.  But after today I really have to wonder if we are truly sending our youth the right messages about beauty and self-worth.  There are a million and one different ways that this lady could have attempted to sale me on having photos taken (I do have three adorable children for crying out loud!), but she went with the whole “we can doll you up and make you sexy for your man” angle (because obviously a mother of three in yoga pants and a srunchie needs to focus more of her attention on being “sexy” for her man), and that concerns me.  Ladies, especially the young ones, please don’t let society dictate how you view yourself; find your own version of sexy. For me it’s an over-sized shirt, a good book, my hair messily pulled back, and a pair of glasses dangling from my mouth. In those moments I don't just feel physically attractive, but intellectually attractive too-a good book is very sexy to me-. 

Find and embrace your own sexy, your own beauty, and your own you. 

And to those who seek to sale us things please realize that we don't have time to hear how you would "fix" us or what you think we “should do” to please our mates.  Instead of trying to play on our insecurities give use a high five and tell us to keep being fabulous. It's far more enjoyable to hear. 

Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes

Managing My Universe-Part Two: Taming Uncle Sam

Back in July I blogged about my Home Management Binder aka“The Back Breaker”, now I’ll discuss my military specific binder.  For those that aren't aware The Spouse is the hottest airman on the planet (yes I’m bias).  Being a military family means we move a lot and have to maintain more paperwork than an accountant at tax time.  All that paperwork, dates, and chaos can consume a person.  I’ve found storing it all neatly in a binder helps tame the chaos and give the illusion that we are in some form or fashion in control of our life. 

I originally had a binder with everything just tossed into it, and then I decided with a move coming up I should update it a bit to make it more organized.  So I bought a new binder, printed up a nice new cover (The Spouse things the cover I have is corny, but I figure if I’m going to be his personal secretary sans pay I’m entitled to something a wee bit corny), and divided up the binder.  

Here is the cover (I think it’s rather cute, if you find it corny/lame/silly well :p I don’t care!)

Inside I have main tabs for PCS moves, Vital Information (copies of birth certificates and marriage license), and Awards & Certificates.  

 The first two tabs are probably self-explanatory as to why I would have those, but the third one may have you starching your head.  Well, the awards and certificates The Spouse earns are important and the military is great for “losing” documentation for completed training and ribbons earned.  I keep track of each certificate of completion and award that The Spouse is given so if, when, something is misplaced or lost in the system I can hand him over the proof that he needs to straighten out any inconsistencies in his record.  

 Also in our binder we have passports, calendars to ensure we don’t miss any important dates, and once we have them the binder will also houses our plane tickets.  

Why a binder?  It allows a one stop shop for all the needed information we have to have in order to ensure a smooth move and curb some of the military chaos that The Spouse will encounter over the course of his career.  It’s also only about an inch-inch and a half thick so it fits easily into a backpack ensuring I have easy access to it during our travels.  So there is no hunting for the passports, no accidently getting them packed into our checked luggage or worse our household goods (yes, this does in fact happen to military families every year!).  The last thing we ever want is to be stranded in an airport with no documentation, a strict timeline of when and where we need to be, and of course can’t get there because we've misplaced the information we need.  By being particular about these things now it will save us the headaches later, allowing us to focus on other things at that moment.  

If you’re a military family or have a lifestyle that involves lots of moving and/or paperwork how do you organize your chaos?  

Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes

The Deeper Side of Choice

When the word choice comes up in regards to women the conversation often starts and stops with abortion.  While it is an element of choice, I don’t think that should be the center of the conversation.  The right to choose is much more complex than the one piece of the puzzle that we allow to polarize us. 

What exactly is choice?  According to the American Heritage Dictionary it is: The power, right, or liberty to choose; option.  So when I say I’m pro-choice what exactly am I saying?  Simply this, I believe every woman has the power, the right, and the liberty to make choices about her life. 

These choices can range from which college she wants to attend, if that is the path she chooses, the career she pursues, if she even chooses to have one or not; as well as if she marries or not, or if and when she has children, how many children, and how she chooses to birth and feed them.  Then there is the after effects of having children, does she remain at home or continue the career she had, if she had one.  How will her children be educated, what religious institution will they frequent together, or if they will frequent one at all?  (Yes the latter ones will usually involve the input of a woman’s significant other/spouse/father of the child, but her opinion should still matter, she should still have some power in the choice being made-I know that sadly this isn’t always the case, but a woman should have a say, period-). 

From these choices springs a well of other choices and those choices lead to other choices, and so forth.  Just like with the so called “mommy wars” we can’t allow the choices women make to derail us from the greater issue, ensuring that our daughters, granddaughter, great-granddaughters, nieces, and so on still have the ability to make choices in their lives. 

Are there choices that women make that I wouldn’t make?  Of course.  Do I make choices that others wouldn’t make?  Most definitely.  Not every woman wants the number of children I have, nor do they want to be housewives, let alone homeschoolers, I do though.  That is the beauty of choice I can make mine and they can make theirs and we can all strive to live this one life we have to the fullest, and bask in freedom to be our own person.  

So, let’s strive to dig deeper than the few choices some women make and see the bigger picture, the picture that respects that each woman should have the power to make choices for herself and not have those choices made for her by others.  The abortion “debate” and “mommy wars” are all distractions ladies; they distract us from the work that still needs to be done to solidify our place in society.  They turn us against each other instead of uniting us, because if women are really to reach true equality, true power as players in this world, we have to band together despite the differences in our choices.  Abortion won’t be going away; mothers won’t always make the same choices, imagine how boring our world would be if we all raised our children the same exact way! 

You won’t always like my choices, I won’t always like your choices, but I’m pro-choice because I believe despite the differences you have every right to make those choices for yourself.  As I said before choice is deeper than the polarizing issues, it’s time to change the conversation to one that is actually productive for women over the long term and stop the henpecking, bitching, and belittling, because ladies it will just find us going back instead of forward and the next generation of girls deserves better than that.  We all deserve better than that.  

Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes

Managing My Universe- Part One: The “Back Breaker”

I have a busy life.  Currently, I spend a great deal of it napping, but that doesn't mean I can’t have things planned for when I actually have the energy to do more than grow another human being.  So how do I manage my universe when I’m running at full speed?  BINDERS!!

Oh I have an addiction to binders.  I’ve tried a few different methods for making a home management binder, and after a couple of years of trial and error I’ve found a system that works well for me-when I have energy to grab it down from the shelf and get to work that is-. 

I don’t have just one binder; I have three that are used for managing my universe.  The first one is the largest one (I may eventually break it down once we move and I have an actual office/classroom space to work with), I use the largest one to manage the cooking, cleaning, children, and homeschooling that takes place in our home.  The second one is used to manage our military existence and the third one is used to manage well…me. 

The first three will be covered in the Managing My Universe Series.  The other four are for my children's homeschooling purposes and I'll be covering everything that is in those on our homeschooling blog.  

So what’s in these binders?  Well tons of printouts (I’ll include links at that bottom of each post) that I feel are useful for my purposes, as well as things I’ve thrown together.  Let’s take a look at each one shall we?  This first post is dedicated to:

Binder One aka “The Back Breaker”

First is the cover.  It’s just some nice clipart with a quote and I placed it on a piece of construction paper to keep the paper from moving about when I open the binder. 

On the inside I have “Daily To-Do List” inside of a sheet protector so I can use it daily without having to print out a new one each day.  I can use a dry erase marker to write in what I need, including tracking my water intake, and then wipe it down at the end of the day.  Also I have a pocket for pencils, scissors, etc.; and a set of calendars. 

This binder is broken down into five parts: Cleaning, Cooking, Money, Kids, and Homeschooling.  I’m going to go into the goodness in each section.  First each section starts with a cover sheet that has some clip-art and a quote as well as a folder to hold papers and information. 

Cleaning

In the cleaning folder I have natural cleaning information such as cleaning recipes (window cleaner, all-purpose cleaner, etc. that are all non-toxic) and a list of needed cleaning supplies (such as baking soda, essential oils, and so forth). 

Next, I have my weekly laundry list.  

Mondays: Family Laundry; 

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays: Cloth Diaper Laundry; 

Wednesdays: The Spouse’s Uniform Laundry; and Sundays are for Bedding/Linens.  This ensures I get everyone clean laundry as well as clean bedding on a regular basis.  I find I can manage once a week family laundry if I start my first load by 8am, which has me finishing up all the laundry by around 2pmish.  Then there is just folding and putting away.  I have organizational cubby holes in the children’s closet where I set out two weeks’ worth of clothing options for them so all they have to do is go in and grab out an outfit of their choice-this ensures their dressers don't turn into a disaster area, they spend less time getting ready because they don't have to hunt for anything, but it still allows them choices in their clothing-.  

After that is my weekly cleaning checklists.  Mondays are when I handle the bathrooms, Wednesdays are for the kitchen/dining room area, and Sundays are my main cleaning day when I tackle the living room/bedrooms/laundry room areas .  I do general house cleaning during the week such as vacuuming, wiping down tables and counters as needed, but the big stuff I have set days for to ensure for a weekly deep clean. I'll be sharing my cleaning checklist in another post.  Lastly, under the cleaning section I have the 4 Weeks to a More Organized Home checklist from Money Saving Mom to help when I need a bit of extra organization motivation. 

Cooking

The folder in the cooking section holds favorite recipes and recipes I want to try.  I also keep a Daily Food Plan for each member of our family to ensure we are each getting the recommend daily amounts grains, vegetables, fruits, “dairy”-we don’t consume dairy so we substitute it for other calcium-rich foods to get this need meet-, and then protein.  

After our food plans I have our monthly menus for breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner.  Our menus stay the same, but under dinner I only list a meal once to ensure a bit of variety.  I keep an ongoing shopping list on my tablet which has a free app programed on it for ease of grocery shopping.  My grocery list stays relatively the same every two weeks which makes budgeting easy. 

Money

The money folder holds bills I need to pay as well as a copy of the Monthly Cash Flow Plan from Financial Peace workbook.  While the program is a bit religious we’ve found parts of it useful, so we take what we need and just ignore the religious bits. 

Also in this section I have a breakdown of when I pay certain bills (as in which one of The Spouse’s paychecks will be used to cover that expense), as well as a filled in Monthly Cash Flow Plan, and The Spouses current LES (since this section has personal financial information I won't be showing any pictures of the inside of this section).  That section is the lightest of the five, but still takes a great deal of work to manage. 

Kids

The folder in the kids section is currently empty.  It will mostly be used for things I need to remember (birthday invites, papers I need to sign, etc.) for now though there is nothing to go in there so it stays nice, empty, and clutter free. 

After the folder I have two timetrackers/schedules.  The first one is for our “Enrichment Days” those are days when we need to be out of the house for part of the day (usually for music lessons and if we are part of a co-op or doing some sort of field trip it falls on that day as well).  I try to book all of our out of the house stuff on a day when we would normally be out of the house, this helps cut down on interruption to our schooling and allows me to get the most out of my days.  The schedule listed is for a typical day when we wouldn’t be going on a field trip or taking part in a co-op (joining a secular one is my aim when we move).  The next page is our typical everyday schooling schedule; although it’s going to get a bit of tweaking it will still stay generally the same (I share our schedule over at our homeschooling blog once it's complete).   

Next I have the kids current shot records (yes my kids get shots *gasp*) for the kids, a medication chart for each of them so I can track when they take certain meds.  Mostly, this is to track my oldest son’s inhaler use-which is important information to have when he goes in for his annual appointments-, but it can also be handy when dealing with a cold or fever so I know when I gave them their last dose of medicine and how much I gave; just in case we have to head in to see the doctor they know exactly what I've done and when I've done it.  Lastly, there is a babysitter’s info sheet for those rare times The Spouse and I, or just I when The Spouse is away, happen to be out of the house without the children. 

Homeschooling

This is the largest section of the binder and the reason I may eventually break the binder up into smaller portions.  I choose to print out enough pages of the planner I use to cover the whole school year, which comes out to a whole heck of a lot of pages.  I did this mostly so I don’t have to worry about printing and adding pages when we are in the middle of moving, just in case I don’t have access to a printer.  It makes the binder heavy, but it gives me everything I need in one simple spot, so the weight is worth it in the end for me-currently-. Once we are settled in our new home then I may decide to change things up a bit.  Or not.  It’s a bridge I plan to cross when I get there.  

I use “The World is Our Classroom” secular homeschooling planner by Kristina Daniele.  I don’t use the entire planner just pages that are useful to us this school year, such as the student information, general planning, and goals pages.  I have the homeschooling section broken down into months starting in June, we actually officially start our school year in July, but the planner started with June so I’ve got that first currently.  Next school year I’ll be able to work it so that way I can have the planner with July first, which helps me personally see where we are in our year, that way I can plan out vacation/time off/breaks accordingly.  Each month has a calendar, month in review sheet, and then a daily and weekly plan for each day and week of that month.  This way I can plan out my week and then tackle each individual day based on what we have going on that week that is none school related.  So, days when we have a lot going on I can plan the lighter lessons and then we can go heavy on days when our schedule is wide open. 

Well that takes us to the end of Binder One aka “The Back Breaker”.  Next up Binder Two aka “Taming Uncle Sam”.  

Printables

Money Saving Mom Printables

Anything but Perfect Printables

Daily Food Plans

Life Your Way Printables

Chart Jungle Printables

Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes

You’re Just a Housewife

Those four little words have rung in my head for the past five years…”you’re just a housewife”.  It all started when The Spouse and I wanted to purchase a –new to us- vehicle.  We did a bit of research and found a make and model that we really liked, as well as a dealership within an hour’s drive that carried what we wanted.  So off we went to test drive and purchase this wonderful new vehicle that actually had some space!  After the test drive and a small chat between The Spouse and I, we sat down to do the paperwork.  Now, at this point in our marriage The Spouse had been the “breadwinner” or “earner of the bacon” for roughly two years.  I was still adjusting to society’s opinion of housewives, you all know the one, the “you don’t do anything all day” opinion.  As well as my own internal struggle over what I wanted to do with myself when I “grew up” versus what members of my family felt I “should” do. 

Mind you all these things were floating around in my head as The Spouse slides the paperwork over to me to fill out since he wanted both our names on the car title. 

As I reach for the pen the car salesman stops me and says “Do you have a part-time job or something?”  “Umm…no, I stay home with the children”.  And then he reached into his desk and pulled out the dreaded verbal dagger: “Oh…you’re just a housewife; we won’t need you to fill out anything.”  Just…a…housewife.  The Spouse persisted on getting me to sign, but the man assured him it would be “easier” to just have only his name on it, and mustering up what little voice I could find I told him to just not worry about it and to put only his name. 

Now, why did four little words from someone I didn’t even know sting so much?  I’ve asked myself that time and time again over the last five years, and the one thing I keep coming back to is the fact that being a housewife is a job, it is a choice, and it does have value.  Value a complete stranger, and honestly even some family, have tried to take away from it.  After years of trying to act like it doesn’t bother me when what I do gets belittled by strangers and family I’ve decided to say no more. 

Yes, I’m a housewife!  Yes, I made this choice.  NO, I don’t want a “traditional” career and I probably won’t even bother with finishing up my college degree!  I want to be the primary one taking care of my children and my husband, I want to oversee the ins and outs of my home, cook the meals, fret over meal plans, get tired, own some aprons, get excited over a new vacuum cleaner, do the laundry –ok that last one I could totally pass on-, build a shrine in my closet to Martha Stewart and then never dust it because I’m too busy scrubbing the toilets.  I want the world to see that sane rational women make this choice and that it’s not the end of the world- hate to burst the bubble of a few “ultra-feminist” I’ve encountered on websites and forums by my choice doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you and if you think it somehow will set women back then you have a lot to learn about life sweetie!- nor is it something that should be looked down on. 

Which leads me to the why of this blog, why did I create another homemaker blog –there isn’t exactly a shortage of them on the internet-?  Simply because those blogs don’t appeal to me, sure they are full of great information on general homemaking stuff, but the religion.  Geez, it’s suffocating.  Not every woman who makes the decision to stay home has done so because of some belief in a higher power that commands women to stay home.  Not every woman who is a housewife/homemaker thinks she is her husband’s helpmate or that he is the head of the family.  I love The Spouse to pieces, but when I got married I was looking for a partner to think with me, not for me.  Sure, I do things for him, lots of things, but not because they are commanded by some deity, I do them simply because I WANT to do them, because doing those things allows me to be the kind of wife I want to be.  Also because, godless people care about home and family too and I think the more the world sees that the better! 

So this is my little spot on the web where I will share my ideas, thoughts, opinions, and whatever else seems relevant to this homemaker life I lead sans religion.  Plus, blogs are totally awesome, need I say more?  

Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes