Sexy?!...

I've seen the above meme before, but never figured I would actually have a moment where it just fit perfectly and then I went to run an errand today.  General Disarray (my oldest son for those that aren't familiar with the blog names) had a piano lesson makeup this lovely Saturday morning and while he was there I figured I would knock out an errand that was high on my to-do list. 

On my way into the Base Exchange I was stopped by the picture kiosk that pops up every few months to take what little money military families have.  We used them roughly five and a half years ago when Professor Chaos was about a month or so old, we found it to be a complete waste of money for us personally.  So we turn them down whenever we see them, I would love to walk around with a no soliciting sign, but a firm no thank you seems to, usually, do the trick.

Today I had an hour to get in, out, and back to my son’s piano class so stopping to be hustled into buying pictures was not on my to-do list.  Yet, it happened.  I told the lady that we were moving soon and I’ll pass, but she wouldn't let up and started in on how great it would be for Valentine’s Day for my husband.  I could bring some “sexy outfits” and they will have people onsite to do my hair and make-up and make me look “sexy” and my husband would just love the "sexy" photos of me for Valentine’s Day.  I said “I’ll think about it”, grabbed Professor Chaos from the item he was attempting to destroy and headed off to complete the list of tasks I had before me, hell bent on not letting her insistence on doing something "sexy" for my husband cross my mind anymore. 

I did end up thinking about it though… a lot…just not in the way the lady hustling the photos probably had in mind.  Her emphasis on sexy made me think, who has time for that? More importantly though is who gets to dictate this thing known as sexy?  When did make-up, revealing outfits, and posing in a makeshift black tent built in the middle of a shopping area become sexy?  Is this what Justin Timberlake had in mind when he claimed to be “bringing sexy back” in 2006?  Furthermore, why is it that I have to be sexy for my husband, but no emphasis is put on him to be sexy for me?  She went on and on about how they would make me sexy and then almost as an afterthought, maybe due to the expression on my face, commented on how my husband could come along and bring a nice outfit for himself.  Not a sexy outfit, of course, just a plain ol’ nice respectable outfit.  I must be sexy and sizzle, he can just be comfortable (how convenient for him!). 

Annoyed by the nagging voice ringing in my ears I Googled sexy this evening and what did I see?  Plenty of pictures of women with large, perky, gravity defying breast, toned flawless midsections, “perfect” hair and make-up, and some high quality photoshopping; basically a manufactured image of what we are supposed to believe a “sexy” woman looks like.  To be honest, by those standards I’m not sexy (not even close) and I don’t personally want to sit and have someone spend the amount of time needed to get me close to what they consider sexy (I ani't got time for that...and won't make time for it either).  I’m OK with that, nearly 27 years in this skin and I'm happy with it just as it is. I have large saggy breast, stretchmarks, a large collection of 80's hair accessories, and I loathe make-up. That's who I am. I love who I am. No woman is just like me and we shouldn't try to be like each other, we should just be ourselves. I tried boudoir photos once (I bought an expensive bra to add lift, I hired someone who knows their way around photoshop, and had my face and hair all done up) and I found that I’m completely uncomfortable with them, and even more shocking my husband didn't care for them either.  They weren't “me” according to him and I have to agree.  Sure by society’s standards I guess you could say they were “sexy”, I was wearing very little, had on plenty of the "right kind" of make-up, and my hair was all fancy, but I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  

Does sexy mean we have to forego our own personal comfort in order to please someone else? I don't think that's what it should mean. Nor do I want my boys growing up to believe that only certain things are allowed to be "sexy" or attractive. Nor do I want them to think that just because they are male they have some ultimate say over what is and isn't attractive in the land of women, or that a woman's goal in life is to please them. 

Which gets to the point I’m trying to make, do we really want the next generation growing up believing that someone is only appealing if they are fitting into society’s current description of “sexy”, or that a female's worth is dictated by the men in her life?  I would hope the answer would be no.  But after today I really have to wonder if we are truly sending our youth the right messages about beauty and self-worth.  There are a million and one different ways that this lady could have attempted to sale me on having photos taken (I do have three adorable children for crying out loud!), but she went with the whole “we can doll you up and make you sexy for your man” angle (because obviously a mother of three in yoga pants and a srunchie needs to focus more of her attention on being “sexy” for her man), and that concerns me.  Ladies, especially the young ones, please don’t let society dictate how you view yourself; find your own version of sexy. For me it’s an over-sized shirt, a good book, my hair messily pulled back, and a pair of glasses dangling from my mouth. In those moments I don't just feel physically attractive, but intellectually attractive too-a good book is very sexy to me-. 

Find and embrace your own sexy, your own beauty, and your own you. 

And to those who seek to sale us things please realize that we don't have time to hear how you would "fix" us or what you think we “should do” to please our mates.  Instead of trying to play on our insecurities give use a high five and tell us to keep being fabulous. It's far more enjoyable to hear. 

Copyright(c)2013 Rayven Holmes