You’re Just a Housewife

Those four little words have rung in my head for the past five years…”you’re just a housewife”.  It all started when The Spouse and I wanted to purchase a –new to us- vehicle.  We did a bit of research and found a make and model that we really liked, as well as a dealership within an hour’s drive that carried what we wanted.  So off we went to test drive and purchase this wonderful new vehicle that actually had some space!  After the test drive and a small chat between The Spouse and I, we sat down to do the paperwork.  Now, at this point in our marriage The Spouse had been the “breadwinner” or “earner of the bacon” for roughly two years.  I was still adjusting to society’s opinion of housewives, you all know the one, the “you don’t do anything all day” opinion.  As well as my own internal struggle over what I wanted to do with myself when I “grew up” versus what members of my family felt I “should” do. 

Mind you all these things were floating around in my head as The Spouse slides the paperwork over to me to fill out since he wanted both our names on the car title. 

As I reach for the pen the car salesman stops me and says “Do you have a part-time job or something?”  “Umm…no, I stay home with the children”.  And then he reached into his desk and pulled out the dreaded verbal dagger: “Oh…you’re just a housewife; we won’t need you to fill out anything.”  Just…a…housewife.  The Spouse persisted on getting me to sign, but the man assured him it would be “easier” to just have only his name on it, and mustering up what little voice I could find I told him to just not worry about it and to put only his name. 

Now, why did four little words from someone I didn’t even know sting so much?  I’ve asked myself that time and time again over the last five years, and the one thing I keep coming back to is the fact that being a housewife is a job, it is a choice, and it does have value.  Value a complete stranger, and honestly even some family, have tried to take away from it.  After years of trying to act like it doesn’t bother me when what I do gets belittled by strangers and family I’ve decided to say no more. 

Yes, I’m a housewife!  Yes, I made this choice.  NO, I don’t want a “traditional” career and I probably won’t even bother with finishing up my college degree!  I want to be the primary one taking care of my children and my husband, I want to oversee the ins and outs of my home, cook the meals, fret over meal plans, get tired, own some aprons, get excited over a new vacuum cleaner, do the laundry –ok that last one I could totally pass on-, build a shrine in my closet to Martha Stewart and then never dust it because I’m too busy scrubbing the toilets.  I want the world to see that sane rational women make this choice and that it’s not the end of the world- hate to burst the bubble of a few “ultra-feminist” I’ve encountered on websites and forums by my choice doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you and if you think it somehow will set women back then you have a lot to learn about life sweetie!- nor is it something that should be looked down on. 

Which leads me to the why of this blog, why did I create another homemaker blog –there isn’t exactly a shortage of them on the internet-?  Simply because those blogs don’t appeal to me, sure they are full of great information on general homemaking stuff, but the religion.  Geez, it’s suffocating.  Not every woman who makes the decision to stay home has done so because of some belief in a higher power that commands women to stay home.  Not every woman who is a housewife/homemaker thinks she is her husband’s helpmate or that he is the head of the family.  I love The Spouse to pieces, but when I got married I was looking for a partner to think with me, not for me.  Sure, I do things for him, lots of things, but not because they are commanded by some deity, I do them simply because I WANT to do them, because doing those things allows me to be the kind of wife I want to be.  Also because, godless people care about home and family too and I think the more the world sees that the better! 

So this is my little spot on the web where I will share my ideas, thoughts, opinions, and whatever else seems relevant to this homemaker life I lead sans religion.  Plus, blogs are totally awesome, need I say more?  

Copyright(c)2012 Rayven Holmes